Internets, I have to get this off my chest. I’ve been following the Assange rape allegation story with great interest for a number of reasons, and I have said plenty about this on my twitter already. I’m not going to go into a discussion about the charges, the victims, what I think or any of this, because we’ll be here all night and I have knitting to do.

But there’s something I keep seeing that I can’t let slide, internets. I’ve seen it more than one place, and now even repeated by Keth Olbermann. Here’s a screenshot from his twitter account:

Let’s repeat that: “The term rape in Sweden includes consensual sex without a condom.” There isn’t a font size in the world large enough for my response to this:

This Is Not A Thing.

It is beyond shocking to me that people are actually buying this rumour. Consensual sex without a condom is rape in Sweden? Are you all high? That would mean that every single time two Swedish people attempt to concieve a child, it is rape. The implication again is that making babies is rape. Are you KIDDING ME? And people believe this is fact? How do these people not stop and go “wait a minute, that makes no sense. I’d better check that.”

I have also seen it said that this is the same as “sex by surprise”. Newsflash, world: Sex by surprise is Swedish slang for rape. It’s terminology used to trivialise rape.

Oh My God, internets. I have seen a lot of stupid shit over the 15+ years I’ve been online but this is surely one of the dumbest things I’ve ever come across. It’s, I  don’t even, I give up. I’m out. You broke me, my brain has exploded, there’s brain matter all over the wall.

Say whatever you want about the specific case, the charges, the conspiracy theories and whatnot, but come the f on. Say it with me: THIS IS NOT A THING. Consensual sex without a condom is not rape in Sweden. And that a reporter/commentator with MSNBC isn’t able to see how utterly ludicrious that is, that is beyond baffling. Wow, Olbermann. You have officially outed yourself as a moron, good luck with that.

This story was upsetting and troubling on many levels, now it’s crossed completely into the realm of farce. I think I need a fluffy funny movie or something. Or chocolate. A lot of chocolate. I’m going to get both guinea pigs for a soothing cuddle first, because OMG internet. Please stop.

Eta: In case you need to see it for yourself: Actual Swedish Rape Law. In English.