Hi all, I’m excited to tell you I’ve once again been a guest on the Made Of Fail Podcast for Episode Fifty-Nine: Everybody Dies and Lives Happily Ever After.

Beware: the entire episode is about Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

In a fit of spontaneity Mr Pharmacist and myself decided to go to the cinema when we were supposed to go grocery shopping. For no good reason we decided on Daybreakers, and I was informed by the guy who checked my tickets that it was “very scary”. I answered “It’s only a vampire movie,” and I was right.
The guy probably thought I was a Twilighter who thought vampires are cuddly fluffy stuff, but I’m not a n00b to vampire movie and I can tell you right now they hardly ever scare me. Zombies are totally creepier than vampires, and in this movie they made the vampires creepier by, err, letting blood withdrawal turn them into creatures that seemed like zombie bat ish things. I don’t know either.

Plot: It’s in the future, vampires have taken over the earth and there’s too few humans to feed on. Ethan Hawke is a vampire named Edward (no, seriously) who is working at a blood facility trying to manufacture synthetic blood, while the company’s main business is draining humans of blood in a very matrix-like facility that our Edward stares at broodingly every time he has to pass it. See, Edward doesn’t like to be a vampire, and he feels bad for the humans.

I think you can already tell where this is going. Edward meets some humans, there’s a Revelation that changes everything, and basically he’s like Neo in the Matrix but everyone else are Vampires rather than Agent Smith. It starts of very bleak and interesting and goes hardcore into gorefest at the end. It of course has a totally open ending that sets the stage for the unavoidable sequel. Basically it’s a bit like Zombieland if Zombieland was about vampires and not meant to be funny. It’s unintentionally funny several times, not to Van Helsing standard as that’s a hard trick to pull off, but in the end I thought it was a laugh and it held my attention the entire movie. The best thing about it was Willem Dafoe, and how much time had clearly been spent thinking about how a vampire society would look and act like.

I’d give it about a C+.

Mr Pharmacist and I went to see Avatar earlier today, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We saw it in 2D because Mr Pharmacist is partially sighted and can’t see 3D at all, so I pretty much have a big hate-on for this whole 3D mania that’s going on right now.

The plot itself is nothing new or special, and the noble savage element of the movie is very troubling, no doubt about that. It’s absolutely colonialism, where the evil white people come to a distant land to take the resources from the native tribal society, who aren’t able to save themselves but must instead be saved by the human who understands this is Wrong, and becomes the bestest tribal man that ever was. The human hero is an ex marine in a wheel chair who only landed himself there because his twin brother died and they needed someone with the same genes to take over the gig. His brother was a scientist, but Our Hero knows nothing of the science or research, but ends up being the Bestest Avatar Driver anyway. The film is narrated by the human by way of video diaries.

The baddies, predictably a corporate hack and a crazy old marine, are paper thin and not very interesting, but the “plot” doesn’t really even matter that much because as soon as the protagonist starts to interact with the blue people (The Na’vi), that’s all you really care about. The world is beautifully created and you want to GO there. The different species are really interesting, and their version of horses are great. They also ride on what can only be described as dragons. Seriously awesome dragons, which they interact with by.. you know what, I’m not even going to tell you.

I liked the lead a lot, the narration worked well for me and disabled hero getting to walk again is a profound scene for me, even if he’s mentally controlling an avatar it feels real to him. Rather than “it ain’t easy being blue” it turns out the human is much happier as a Na’vi than he was as a disabled human. He then turns on the humans that want to destroy the tribe, of course.

The story all the way through is entirely predictable, but the effects are spectacular and the movie is visually stunning. It actually did blow my mind. It was three hours, but I would’ve happily sat there for a while longer and stayed in this beautifully created world. It also has Sigourney Weaver being her awesome self, which is always a thrill to watch.

The first thing I said when it was over? “I want my own dragon friend..” to which my taller half hugged me and said “I know, darling.”

There had better be cuddly toys.