Originally published on livejournal on June 5th, 2004

This is not supposed to be taken very seriously.
But a couple of things occurred to me today and it resulted in this silly little list.
This is based on general impressions and doesn’t really reflect on the guys I’ve dated. Ok? Ok.

What I have learnt after ten years of dating

• A ‘No’ that isn’t followed up with get off or I’ll kick you in the nuts will always be understood by a guy as a maybe, something that can change in five minutes.
• Breast size doesn’t really matter when it comes to sexual enjoyment. Thus there’s no need for breast implants, unless you’ve had a breast removed because of cancer.
• A guy will never care if you shave your legs if you’ve shaved somewhere else.
• If a guy attempts to skip the foreplay when you’ve just started dating – this is not a good sign. Run away as fast as you can.
• The older you get, the hairier you get. This goes for both genders.
• No matter what he may say – when a guy takes you home to meet his parents, that means you are his girlfriend. Noone takes a girl friend home to meet the parents. Especially not a girl friend he happens to be sleeping with.
• A ‘break’ in a relationship is an illusion. It’s denial. You’re either together, or you’re not.
• He may claim he’s not into it and it doesn’t really matter, but every guy alive wants anal sex.
• If two bisexual girls are friends, every guy around them will assume that they’ve had sex. Or that they will. And if they’re lucky, they can join.
• A guy who goes out with a bisexual girl will always *always* dream of a threesome. Especially if he’s told that’s never going to be on the cards.
• The difference between lust and repulsion isn’t that big.
• On that note – it’s easy to be both attracted and disgusted by a person simultaniously
• Guys are stupid. Girls are insane. Thus it doesn’t matter what gender you date, they’re both completely impossible to understand.
• No matter how much you love a guy, a hairy butt will never be nice to look at
• Boys and girls are equally slutty. It doesn’t matter what happened before you, unless there are diseases to consider dealing with.
• There is no such thing as the perfect guy. The minute you think he’s perfect he will stop calling and/or sleep with his ex.
• Guys will never learn to put the toilet seat down. Deal with it. Stop complaining about it.
• Take how obsessed you are with someone at the beginning at the relationship and multiply it by 100, that’s the amount of disgust you will at one point feel towards the very same person.
• Love is rare. If you find it, look after it well.
• No matter how much you love someone, they will always embarrass you by doing stupid things when they’re drunk
• A guy who has to be talked into putting on a condom is not relationship material.
• An otherwise perfect relationship can be completely destroyed by an argument over who’s turn it is to do the dishes/laundry/cleaning
• You never tell a guy that his predecessor was better in bed, even if it’s true.
• First impressions tend to be right. If he comes across as a pretentious wanker at first, chances are that’s what he really is.
• He isn’t going to change, you don’t know him like noone else did, you can’t cure him and bitch, please. Just let go.
• It’s not his new girlfriend who’s being paranoid, it’s you who’s being a bitch. Of course it works that way, he’s sleeping with her now and her rules go.
• The words “My period is late” will always freak a guy out a lot more than “I love you”.
• It IS indeed possible for a man not to want to have sex. It’s rare, but I assure you, it’s true!

Consider this a work in progress.